Heaven's Philippine Aid Controversy

The size of Heaven's aid offering to the Philippines
has sparked mixed feelings from its citizens

Heaven is sending $0,000,000.00   (£0,000,000.00) to the Philippines to help with the aid effort following Typhoon Haiyan.

Heaven had been criticised for its pledge - a fraction of that committed by other major nations.




The offering from the Universe's largest economy prompted cries of protest from analysts and media in the West.

The Reuters news agency called it "relatively paltry"; Time Magazine described it as "measly" and "insulting".

God is using the US Air Force to rush much
needed aid to the victims of the Philippine
typhoon. God was also kind enough
to cause the typhoon in the first place.

Heaven's donation paled beside the $20m given by the United States or the $10m pledged by Japan - or even the $2m donated by Indonesia.

But for all the global criticism, it didn't attract much attention at home. Most Heaven residents questioned about it said they hadn't heard about it and of those that had, only one thought the amount too small.

"It doesn't matter how much the donation is" one angel said, "It's the thought that counts. We may not be offering them any help, but they are in our thoughts."

Heaven's media has recently expended a lot of energy presenting the Philippines as hostile to true Christianity.

 

"It's not too little." another angel commented "Because they are Catholics in the Philippines and that is the wrong sort of Christianity. Catholicism is the seven headed harlot riding the three headed beast with five horns, six legs and twenty three toes made of iron and clay. If they don't repent and join the Christadelphians, they can expect a lot worse when Christ returns."

 
On the streets of Heaven, many angels seemed to understand the link between aid and religion.

"Personally I don't like humans." one angel said, "We don't have a good relationship with them. They ate one of our apples in the Garden of Eden and we've been punishing them for it ever since. This Super Typhoon was part of our effort to fulfil Mathew 24:7 - 'For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.' It's wonderful how the Signs of the Times are foreshadowing the imminent return of Christ. Manila should quit whinging about it and take their medicine."

Philippine Catholics are thanking God that he
is using the latest American Osprey aircraft
to miraculously bless them with aid

Comments on Heaven's social media have been more forceful. One angel called Heaven's donation "disgraceful." But many more say they are angry that their government is even thinking about the Philippine victims at all.

In press briefings, Heaven's foreign ministry has made the observation that God provides everything for humans and therefore there is no need for him to give them anything extra.

"God makes the typhoons to blow, the rain to fall, the Sun to shine and the crops to grow" a spokesangel said. "God even feeds the birds and the little baby animals. All of this miraculous aid to the Philippine victims comes from God and not from the Imperialist, Capitalist Americans. The starving , homeless and diseased victims should give thanks to the Great Leader for his beneficent kindness and boundless love."

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