Leaving the Christadelphians can be tough, painful and demand a lot of courage. So this is a message for ex-Christadelphians who have overcome significant struggles to mentally break free from the religion and move on.
Well done.
Well done for having the courage to think outside the narrow confines in which you were raised or instructed.
Well done for having the courage and integrity to follow your own conscience and convictions.
Well done for having the intellectual honesty to change your mind.
Well done for having the courage to leave the all-encompassing embrace of a familiar community and face the difficult and painful process of adjusting to a different kind of life.
Well done for having the audacity to think for yourself.
Well done for rejecting bigotry and narrow-mindedness.
Well done for embracing reality even though it is sometimes harsh.
Well done for being an ex-Christadelphian!
A good post. I have noticed some CDs congratulating one another on these sites for emerging from the group with a minimum of rancor and bitterness. I suspect there is a connection between smoother and rougher departures and the extent to which membership in the CDS damaged or injured the former member's life. I am currently communicating with my elderly dying parent, who always felt her interpretation of Scripture allowed her to regard her children as property. After twenty years of not communicating, she contacted me during a health crisis. I made nice, but asked her to consider requesting forgiveness for decades of abuse, violence and neglect. She was no one's mother, and no one's grandmother. Her response was: "According to the Bible, I have done nothing for which I need to ask for forgiveness. I put God first in my life, and that was all I was required to do."
ReplyDeleteIf there is a way to work with this kind of mindset, someone illuminate the path for me. I see none. What I do see is that religion is used as a cover for a lot of ugly, ugly, ugly human behavior. And a damnable mess on this mortal coil is often the result.
I no longer communicate with my mother, I don’t think there is any point. She recently sent me a message through my sons fiancé to let me know she bears no grievances. My reaction is to shrug and be aware that I’ve got loads. Communication is impossible. If she dies I will probably go to see her be put in the ground but any funeral will have nothing said at it that has any relevance to me, I’ve been to many CD funerals, they are rubbish in every way. I’m not bitter, just realistic, a determined CD cannot be communicated with in my experience at any meaningful level
DeleteYou are not alone. I do not take calls from my mother. I also do not open her letters. To be around my mum or her friends for more than 60 seconds is to have them launch verbally into religion. They must convert you. They must sell their crap to you. It is an addiction. And the more toxic their lives and personalities, the harder they try to sell their crap. It compensates for the voids in their lives, and their sins.
DeleteThis is not a cult? Who are you kidding? They are pathetic.
Went to a CD funeral a few years ago. (To me, all of their services are funerals.) In a few minutes, as the funeral progressed, I noticed I was hearing all of the same BS and rote and flatulence found in all of their services. The same phrases, the same gentle admonitions, the same scriptures being utilized. I was shocked by the stench of the staleness of it all, the complete lack of anything genuine being uttered, to mark the end of what was someone's unique and sacred life struggle. Even the dead person in the coffin nearly got up and left.
DeleteLOL. I notice many people in here lament that the CDs contribute almost nothing of any value to the welfare of the world. But while I was inside the sect, I noticed despite all of the foolishness about calling strangers "Aunt" or "Auntie" or "Uncle," none of those people ever wasted a minute on my personal welfare. None of the "uncles" took me fishing, and none of the "aunts" sewed me pajamas. It would have required an effort. Even from my own wealthy aunts and uncles who were Christadelphians, there stemmed absolutely NOTHING. Not quality time, nor financial contributions (we were dirt poor), nor one ounce of labor on my behalf. And those people were genetically connected to me! I've searched my memory diligently for evidence to the contrary of what I've stated. There isn't any.
DeleteA farce of a religion, indeed, that preaches one thing and practices -- very often -- the exact opposite. A place from which to depart. A place to then shun, as they themselves shun the outside world and those fortunate people found "wanting" by them.
Dorothy: Same Old Same Old with Cds, is because they don`t THINK, they just believe the thoughts with which they have been indoctrinated. Each week with Cds they get the Same Old Same Old pushed into them. they don`t need to think. I`m going to a Cd funeral soon. I know what to expect, and I know it will irritate me.
DeleteI'm very sorry about the painful situation you describe, Amir. It's true that people sometimes have a right to feel bitter after exiting a religion. Having said that, bitterness is not a good emotion to carry around with you, and it's important to find a way of dealing with it constructively (not referring to you specifically, just people generally).
ReplyDeleteSome people do seem to have a fairly easy exit and go on to have a good relationship with their family, and that's great. But those who don't, need understanding and empathy, and the problem with leaving a community like the CDs, which no one has heard of, is that there are so few people who will understand what you've been through. Hence my brief attempt to acknowledge that making your way out the hard way and moving on with your life is actually an achievement that deserves to be celebrated.
It's not overly surprising that some Christadelphians may treat their children as "property". In recent months, the group representing the dominant thinking of UK christadelphia has published several "Bible talks" that both reinterpret and approve of biblical slavery as an acceptable form of domestic servitude. Read the home schooling pages, and you will see that Christadelphians believe that they should have complete control over their children's education, regardless of societal norms. To my certain knowledge, some Christadelphians believe that these "rights" can be extended down to grandchildren. We are also aware that Christadelphians expect to be given God given rights to kill non-Christadelphians and plunder their possessions at the start of the kingdom age.
ReplyDeleteIf a person has been brought up with those beliefs, or took them on board after "conversion", and the internal invention of their God within themselves (who of course behaves just as they expected him too), then it is easy to see why Amir's mother thinks and behaved the way she did (does) and is wholly unrepentant for it. It's brilliant to hear of people like Amir who saw through the lies and walked away to live a normal life.
Like one of the former editors here, I believe it is not possible, or a worthwhile exercise to try to work with people of this mindset, painful though that may be.
On a practical level, taking into account the above, and knowing just how devious some Christadelphians are, I would be extremely wary of becoming re-involved with someone who claims to have a health crisis or be close to death after 20 years of non communication and who has not re-thought their actions. To me this looks like someone who is pulling your strings in order to obtain money for healthcare and/or a dignified death.
Think hard about it. A Christadelphian like her can call upon brethren and sisters locally and around the world, and they have the power of prayer on their side. When she actually dies, she has eternity in the Kingdom to look forward too.
Don't you think it is strange that when the Kingdom is literally imminent to a CD, they somehow wish to use all the resources of the "world" and those they have rejected, to put it off just a little longer, or make it just a little more comfortable.
Sorry to be harsh, but don't fall for it!
The beauty of cult thinking is that reason, logic, and facts can be casually shrugged off and replaced with delusions. And it is usually impossible to successfully wrestle with delusions.
ReplyDeleteThe thing to do is to move forward, and not look back. No one can guilt you into doing otherwise unless you allow them to do so. Funny, how often in life people shirk their responsibilities, but then come crawling back later using a pretense of morality or religion as a cover to get from you what they never gave you when you should have received it. Like good parenting. Or a child support check. Or just plain decent treatment.
I want to a Christadelphians meeting in Liverpool central library last week it was a waste of my time and money I was Insulted by one of the members
ReplyDeleteAnon, how was this "money wasted", surely there wasn`t a charge for admission to this meeting? What drew you to attend? Are you able to share the details of why and how you were "insulted" by one of the members.?
DeleteIt cost me money to travel from Manchester to Liverpool by train. I knew 3 members of this group from 2006 they are part of an extreme break away group who use Elpis Israel to indoctrinat new members. I first meet them in Manchester Central Library and enjoyed going to the meeting and learning about the Bible and the original christadelphian teachings found in Phanerosis. I have not meet with them since 2018 because they moved to Liverpool and the lockdown stop the meetings. Two new members of joined both have come from central one is a nice person my age I can get on with him the other is an older man and he called me a pharisees 2 times after he asked me what i believe and i showed him my collectionof books from pictureson my phone . I've been told that he was spoke to by an AB antold not to say that 2 me again but it hurt that was the one place where I should of been able to talk about christadelphian doctrine without been belittled
DeleteAnon, over 20 years ago now, I was "asked" to attend a series of "learn to read the Bible effectively" meetings/seminars, held at a local council building, rather than our own meeting room. At the time, I was a baptised brother, and married to another Christadelphian, with a young family, but was not what you might call an active member, I was not a speaker, and had no desire to become one. One of the AB's (now deceased), had managed to convince a Jewish family to attend, through his own personal efforts, and despite a billing exercise, they were the only outsiders to do so. Early in the course, another AB got into a disagreement of belief with said Jewish people, and would not back down or let go, despite the obvious discomfort of all present, especially the brother who had invited them. The result was that the Jews did not return, and that the smug individual who started the trouble continued with his manner for the rest of the time he was at the meeting. For me, it remains as a shining example of what Christadelphia "holds dear", and how, in simply losing a few hours of your time, and a train fare, you got lucky, and didn't waste years of your life with these imbeciles.
Delete